waiting

I love you , and because I do , I expect more from you than you’re ready to give me . I guess I’m just going to have to learn how to be patient .

You make the simplest things seem so uncomprehendable .

no , I don’t mean Happy Holidays

I mean CHRISTMAS – I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted anything . It seems the less I have to worry about the less I bother writing about it . So it only makes sense that I haven’t blogged since I found out Jack isn’t leaving for the military . Things with him have been great , and I couldn’t be happier ( well maybe if our phones worked and I could text him regularly instead of missing him , I’d be a teeny-tiny but more happy ) . We aren’t technically together together as Jack says , but I think I should say something to him on Tuesday regardless . . I mean , 6 months is a big deal , right ? I gave him a bit of a Christmas gift proposal the other day : if he can manage to get a webcam , I will make sure I can get a hold of one too .

Speaking of Christmas , I’m really not sure what I’m going to do this year . Mom is going to Terry’s Family dinner on Christmas day , Farmor is going to a dinner party with Karin the same day as well , Uncle Graham , Aunty Dorte , and Kyle are staying at home this year in BC for the holidays , and I’m not sure where dad will be , but I’m 100% certain wherever he ends up he will be alone and drunk out of his mind . I was thinking a day trip to Jasper so I could hit Marmot for a day by myself , but I’m broke . I might just go and see the new Sherlock Holmes movie Christmas day – I believe I have a free movie certificate laying around here somewhere .

I’m getting sort of nervous about applying for university next month . I have to apply by the 13th of January if I want a chance at early admission . I’m going to ask my teacher when I go back into school on the 4th if it would be possible to do the first module from three courses so that I will have some sort of mark for Biology 30 , English 30 , Math 30 , Socials 30 and Physics 30 on my transcript when I send it in to Guelph . I would continue afterwards with each course seperately but I can’t help but feel that to apply I need to show some sort of reference of what my marks will be like when I graduate .

Not being accepted isn’t an option . I have to get out of here . I have to get far far away from this place and this house and this city and my mother . I’m tired of trying to impress and be gracious and getting no recognition or reward for it except more abuse . I don’t have the courage to outright stand up for myself , so I’m going to do so by leaving for the other side of the country .

I am really excited to be closer to Jack , and to start modeling in Ottawa (:

merry christmas ?

I miss you already . I really hope tomorrow goes well . I don’t want you to leave . Please do your best to push your date back . I’m crying , because I’m scared you won’t be able to and “bye bryn” is the last I will hear from you in quite a while . I can’t handle that . Stay .

I’ll love you no matter what happens , no less because of it . I just want you to be alright and happy . You mean the world to me , really . Good luck , my goof <3

 

Maybe you’ll be home for the holidays afterall (:

sorry baby

I need to chill , psychotic just isn’t my thing

love you bunches <3

that feels better

I talked to Camron . I’m feeling a lot better about things now . From what I understand , not much is going to change with how much we get to talk to eachother . The only thing that will happen is that I’ll have to wait a little longer to actually enjoy being with you . 14 weeks basic training he said . If you pass your tests , you get paid imediately . He says you’ll get deployed straight away as well , for about six months , then home for a few weeks and straight back to that shit hole . You know , if you don’t want to go , you could always just flunk your basic training . . .